A Dream

I had this dream about six months after my nephew Trevor died.  It has been about a year and a half since I had the dream, but I still remember it like I had dreamt it just last night.  Ever since I had the dream, I kept thinking that I need to write it down so that I would be sure not to forget it.  I don't know why it has taken me so long.  So here goes:

The dream started out at someone's house.  I have no idea whose house it was, and it didn't look familiar to me at all, but there were tons of people there.  It was a smaller house.  Or maybe it just seemed small because there were so many people in it.  We were all there to celebrate Trevor.  In my dream I remember him making the rounds to talk to everyone.  He made sure to visit with each and every person there.  I remember watching him in my dream, just waiting until it was my turn to chat with him.  The conversation Trevor and I had had to do with guitars.  Trevor was an amazing musician.  He played the guitar and bass.  So I wanted to get his opinion on what type of guitar would be best to get for Trenton.  I don't remember exactly what he said about the guitars, but I remember how animated and excited he was to talk about something he enjoyed doing so much.  Which is exactly how he was in real life.  He also told me how excited he was for us to have another baby and that he couldn't wait to meet her.  I remember hearing him laugh a lot as he visited with everyone.  And it sounded just like it had in real life.  He had a very memorable laugh!  After he had visited with everyone, it was time to go.  Everyone piled into their cars and we all drove off to the next place.  When we left the house it was sunny and warm, but as we drove along, the sky became cloudy, the temperature dropped, and it began to rain.  It seemed like we were in the car for a long period of time, driving along an elevated highway in a big city.  Then there it was.  A big white building.  And it was massive!  (Think of an IKEA times five.)  I had never seen such an enormous building before.  There was a huge underground parking lot that we all parked in, then we got out of our cars and started filing into the building.  There were so many hallways and corridors, with room after room at the end of each, and we just kept winding our way through the building.  We were never given any directions on which room to go to, we all just seemed instinctually to know.  We made our way to a room in the building that was full of pews.  The front of the room was laden with bouquets and standing sprays of flowers.  It was so quiet in the room as everyone found a seat.  You could have heard a pin drop.  Then one by one, each person took turns standing at the front of the room and told us what they admired most about Trevor, and how much they loved him.  At one point, I saw Trevor stand up and start walking toward the back of the room.  He looked different to me.  When we were at the house, his hair had been a little bit longer, and a bit unruly.  Now his hair was shorter and combed to perfection, and he looked slightly older.  His clothes were different as well.  He looked very clean cut.  As he was walking by me, I mouthed the words "Where are you going?" to him.  He just looked at me with a small, kind of sad smile on his face.  He put his finger up to his lips, then continued walking, hands in his pockets.  Nobody else in the room seemed to notice he was going.  As he quietly slipped out of the room, I remember knowing he was going on to a better place.  And then I woke up.  And I awoke with such a sense of peace and calm that I hadn't felt in months.  Amazing how a dream can do that.

Ray of Sunshine

Trevor with his dad (Ryan), mom (Stephanie), and brother (Tate)
  
Saturday, March 5, 2011 was the day that marked the tragic death of my nephew Trevor.  At only age 18 he was taken from this earth.  While we are so very sad at his passing from this life, I can't help but be grateful for the amazing and wonderful person he was.  Trevor truly left his mark on this earth and touched the lives of so very many.  This was evidenced by all those in attendance at his funeral.  There were around 2,000 people there, and I know there were many others that weren't in attendance, but would have been, if they could.  The whole week Trent and I were in Austin for the funeral, we had the wonderful privilege of hearing innumerable stories of how Trevor touched the lives of countless others.  It is amazing to me that in his short 18 years, he had such a widespread influence on so many; adults, peers, and children alike.  He had an abundance of wonderful gifts, but I think one of his greatest gifts was his ability to reach out, love, and serve others.  It was impossible to feel down or upset when he was around.  There is not a single memory I have of him where he wasn't laughing, smiling, cracking jokes, or talking animatedly regarding something he was excited about.  He was truly a ray of sunshine!

Trevor with his littlest sister, Taryn

My little niece, Taryn, who is 6, had some very sweet and insightful things to say about her oldest brother.  She was visiting with my brother-in-law, Sean and I one night, and told us that Trevor still whispers to her.  She said sometimes she feels a little tickle in her ear, and when she feels it, she knows it is Trevor talking to her.  She also let us know that she will get to see Trevor again someday.  Then she proceeded to tell us that since he's in heaven, he doesn't need to eat food anymore.  "It's like magic!!!" she told us. :) She knows exactly what she is talking about.  I recently received a very comforting email from a family member, and in that email were some words from Elder Holland.  He spoke them at the funeral of a girl, Sarah, who died in an accident at the age of 16.  He said, "You think Sarah's influence was great before, well, you just sit back and watch.  You haven't seen anything yet.  Sarah's role in your life will be be even greater now than it would have been if she were still here.  And it's now your responsibility to live your life in such a way that you'll know when she's here and you'll understand what she's trying to tell you."  I know this will be true of Trevor as well.  I have seen the mark he has left on people, and I know his wonderful influence will continue to touch the hearts of many.  I know his little sister, who loves him so, so much still hears him whisper to her, and I know he will continue to be an influence in the lives of his mother, father, his 4 younger siblings, and countless others.

There was also a quote from Pres. Hinckley in the email.  He said, "How marvelous a gift, that if we live worthy we shall have the right to the company of angels.  Here is protection, here is guidance, here is direction; all of these from powers beyond our own natural gifts."  What a comfort to know that our loved ones who have gone on before us are still here with us.  What a blessing to know that we can have the "company of angels".  I know Trevor is still here, watching over all those he loves and taking care of them in ways he wouldn't be able to if he were still here.

From the moment I learned of Trevor's death, the Primary song "I Will Be Valiant"  (from the children's songbook of the LDS church) popped into my head, and still does every time I think of him.  I know he was one of the Lord's most valiant and faithful, and that he did so much to serve others in this life.

Trevor, you are truly a bright star.  One that will never be forgotten.  You have blessed and continue to bless the lives of so many.  Thank you for sharing your wonderful personality, gifts, and talents with all of us.  While we miss you greatly, we know we will see you again, and that you will be there to welcome us with open arms.  Love you so much.  Til we meet again.

Here is a link to a slide show of Trevor's life.